


Of Passing Tides in the Pools of Memory

by N1ghtmare_Eyes



Category: Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Crying, Dadza, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hound Army, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Panic Attacks, Philza brings home another traumatized child, Post-L'Manburg D-Day, Techno "Surprisenly Cool Older Brother but not really" Blade, edward the enderman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:34:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28687974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/N1ghtmare_Eyes/pseuds/N1ghtmare_Eyes
Summary: Ranboo can't dream. He could never dream. Why? Dreams are recycled memories if you look at it from a certain point. Ranboo can't remember anything. He'd come to terms with that while he lived L'Manburg. One less thing to worry about. It was better to focus on making sure his nation wouldn't be destroyed than one some silly nightmare.But when he's in the snow with just the clouds above him and ice, maybe his mind can finally rest easier.-------------Ranboo starts having dreams. He is quite unprepared.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 215





	Of Passing Tides in the Pools of Memory

Ranboo rarely had dreams.

At one point he came up with a reason why he couldn’t have normal dreams. Maybe it was because he was half enderman, but because of his memory loss.

His brain had suffered from major memory loss, and in stressful situations, his memory was completely gone.

Dreams are recycled memories. The faces you would see in dreams are of that of strangers you met on the street. Any sounds, words, or phrases are just recycled from the day’s log of memories or whatever was stored in long term.

However, for someone who wasn’t human, that so happened to have trouble remembering things, dreams don’t happen often.

Even if they did, Ranboo would often forget it as soon as he woke up as normal people would.

He’d tried everything. Certain foods could help improve memory or lucid dreaming. Rituals at night to promote his brain into dreaming of anything. He even read and reread his memory books he wrote all day, just to try and fall asleep and create something in the aether of his broken brain.

But, much like last night, he dreamt of nothing. And he could remember nothing. He’d come to terms with the fact that it was just another aspect of his strange life.

It was still odd. He’d hear the others talk about their dreams in L’Manburg. He learned things about dreams that he hadn’t expected.

Dreams could be weird, a jumbled mess of nonsense. They could be full of colors and noise and events. They could be bad, scary, terrifying. Or amazing, and funny and outright outlandish.

He lamented over the fact he wouldn’t ever get to experience these things. His mind, at night, would be quiet.

* * *

He greeted his pets every morning, gave an acknowledging glance to the llama bouncing outside his window, and went about his day. Certain days he would be busy roaming L’Manburg with tasks he had to do, to help Tubbo out and keep the nation above water. Metaphorically and physically as Philza rose the water level at least a block every two days. Keeping the docks and pillars in good shape was key.

Ranboo had an easy enough time remembering to do that. Though he wrote some passing notes in his book, his days in L’Manburg were bland and boring for the most part. According to what he wrote down. Well, he only wrote the most important things, anything else would just waste space that could’ve been used for better memories to keep.

Ranboo sat on his balcony, pen in hand as he finished writing the last sentence in his book for the day.

“Quackity is not fond of bees, but will begrudgingly take care of them for Tubbo’s sake. Tubbo became very happy. Fundy looked like he wanted to die.” Today was weird, he thought. He sighed and closed the book, setting it down in his lap. Slowly he loosened his red tie, glad that his day was finally over. He rested his head against the wood frame and stared at the floating lanterns gliding above L’Manburg. Their glow reflecting off of the waters below their houses.

He smiled, tracing his fingers into the wood beneath him.

He had finally found a place he could call home. He could sleep easy under these glowing lights, with his friends and comrades nearby. L’Manburg looked very beautiful at night. 

“Sure,” He started talking to himself. A habit he picked up for whenever he was alone, just to fill the space. “It was blown up once, started off of a drug ring, was ruled by two separate dictators, but L’Manburg turned out okay.” He muttered to himself. He was surprised he recalled the history so easily, then again he remembered that Tubbo and Tommy had relayed this story to him from time to time. He knew it by heart now.

His heart ached for a millisecond thinking about Tubbo and Tommy.

Tommy was exiled.

He forgot about that. Again.

Ranboo needed to remind himself more often.

It wasn’t like it wasn’t important. It was important since he wrote the event down himself.

“Gosh,” He sighed heavily, his white hand coming up to massage his temple. It really took it out of him to just remember something so vital.

He missed Tommy and his antics, but he knew that Techno could take care of him. Some days he’d remember it so suddenly, it was like breaking his heart all over again. Betraying a friend, repeating over and over.

Those times, L’Manburg felt suffocating. Remembering the smallest bits and pieces, the arguments after Dream threatened their nation, Tommy trying to act optimistic despite what they all knew was going to happen.

He hated his condition. He hated not being able to remember things on a dime. Having to reread a book over and over just to understand his friends. And it wasn’t entirely his fault for being like this. He couldn’t blame himself for what happ-

“No, no, calm down, we can visit him tomorrow to make up for it.” He stopped that train of thought before it got too out of hand. He sucked in a calming breath before standing up and walking back inside.

Some rest would ease his panicked mood.

Ranboo could hear his pets downstairs, settling in for the night. “Not a bad idea,” He thought to himself as he plopped down onto his bed, his feet dangling over the edge. He turned on his side and curled into himself, finally able to cover himself with his blanket.

In mere moments, he was asleep.

Back again, into the void of dreams.

* * *

Pain.

Tears.

Coldness surrounding his feet as something warm but unnatural dripped down onto his shoulders and hair.

Dreary music played.

Terrified.

Worried.

False reassurance.

Panic.

He could feel his brain running miles per second, almost like a non-stop record spirally out of control on it’s player.

His mouth was moving, his jaw sore. He was speaking but he was too out of it to comprehend.

Sadness.

Worried.

Fear.

Fear

Fear

Fear

Ranboo woke up and fell out of the warmth of his bed. He scrambled on the ground, scurrying away on his hands and heels until he backed himself into a corner. He was panting, gasping for air. He clutched his heart as he focused on the world around him.

Only until he heard monotone laughter from outside did he start to calm down.

He was safe.

He was okay.

He wasn’t in L’Manburg anymore.

Ranboo stood up and sat back down on his bed. A knock came on his door. The golden light of morning poured in through the door as it opened, paving the room in more sunlight than the windows had.

In walked in Techno, already in his working clothes and ready for the day, his long pink braid put into a neat bun on top of his head. Ranboo could almost laugh if he wasn’t trying to reel himself away from a heart attack.

“Ranboo, good morning!” Techno greeted him. Ranboo gave a weak smile. Techno noticed his demeanor. “Everything alright there bud?” Techno asked him. Ranboo shook his head.

“I’m fine, just fell out of bed.” He explained. Techno stared down at him.

“Huh, that’s funny,” He commented. Ranboo gave Techno a questioning look. What was so funny about that?

“What’s funny?” Ranboo asked. Techno let out his signature chuckle.

“Must’ve been some nightmare to shake you up this bad,” He laughed. Ranboo could only stare at Techno with disbelief until he realized that he actually understood what he was saying. Ranboo finally had some sort of dream. A dream he could remember.

“Well, anyway, Philza made some breakfast for you. I’ll be at the turtle farm if you need me.” Techno told him as he was on his way out of the wooden shed Philza had built just for Ranboo. Ranboo watched as Techno turned back around in the doorway, the snow outside nearly blinding his vision, outshining Techno.

“Oh, don’t forget about the dogs. They need another round of food, and I’m pretty sure Orphan needs help to restock. Mind helping out today?”

“Yeah, sure! I’ll get to it.” Ranboo quickly reached over and began to write in his notebook. Techno took his leave, the door shutting out the cold.

Ranboo stared down at the ink, again still processing all of what just happened.

He finally had a dream. A bad dream, but a dream nonetheless. As he began to write it to paper, he could only recall the feelings. He felt the emotion of it all. The stress and fear, the coldness of his panic bunker, but any other details were already fuzzy and fading away as the ink dried.

He frowned, disappointed that he couldn’t visually remember. But he could recall the feeling.

He noted it down before getting out of bed. Philza would scold him for skipping out of a meal.

* * *

Coldness this time. But it wasn’t overflowing.

He could hear the crunch under his feet. Voices next to him and the sound of dogs barking.

He could smell meat.

Niceness.

Warmth.

Calm.

Icy wind blew through him, but he had on something warm. A sweater? Something heavy weighed on his shoulders.

“Ranboo?” Philza’s voice called out to him. Ranboo woke up, startled by the man’s voice suddenly. He sat up, his mind hazy.

“Phil?” He mumbled, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Sorry bud, you were talking in your sleep.” Philza laughed. Ranboo looked around, realizing he had fallen asleep on top of a hay bail, leaning against the new kennel for the dogs Phil had just built. Philza was weaving a basket on the ground, his wings shielding himself from the wind.

“Really?” Ranboo yawned.

“You were mumblin’ something about the dogs and making them some steaks.” He laughed. Ranboo blinked, squinting his eyes. He couldn’t remember anything. Just the feeling of a memory. A ghost of one.

“There must’ve been snow. I had something heavy on my shoulders.” Ranboo muttered. Philza blinked.

“Did you dream about moving the dogs to their new spot?”

Ranboo adjusted. He had the faintest recollection of that day.

“Maybe? I can’t remember that day. Or the dream?” He closed his eyes for a second, trying to stitch together some sort of image. But it was like playing a movie without the video, and distorted audio. “Can’t remember.” He admitted.

“You were repeating what you had said on that day. We were busy getting the dogs together and the weather turned chilly, chillier than now I suppose, but you had been complaining about wanting the dogs to have a better diet so you made a lot of steaks for them.” Philza explained. Again Ranboo felt like he had done just that, but he couldn’t really be sure. “I remember Techno had given you his spare cape, and I laughed because since you’re so tall, it made you look smaller than usual.” Ranboo smiled at Phil’s amused face.

“Really?” Maybe that would explain the heavyweight on his shoulders. Ranboo pulled out his book, leaving Phil to go on about with the basket weaving.

_ ‘Do I dream now? I took a nap next to Phil in the snow and dreamt of snow and an old memory. I don’t remember the memory, but Phil says it was when we moved the dogs to their new home. I remember snow, the sound, and feeling, but I can’t remember seeing it in the dream.’ _ He quickly jotted down, again confused as to if he could really call that a dream.

* * *

He tried staying awake. He was chilling with Phil and Techno inside of their cottage. Sitting near the fireplace as a blizzard raged outside. Techno insisted the Ranboo stay the night with them since the snow completely covered his shack.

They were shooting each other jokes, Techno yapping on and on about how stupid Tommy was and Phil reminding them all about how he broke out of his house-arrest ankle monitors.

Ranboo refused to fall asleep since he was enjoying himself in their company. Again reminded him that this felt more of a home than L’Manburg. 

He missed the lanterns and the water, but he preferred the snowfall to the rain in L’Manburg any day. The snow was easier to dodge than rain. He sipped his lukewarm rabbit soup, leaning against a chest next to Edward. He could faintly hear the enderman next to him, mumbling about minuscule things.

This felt so nice. He felt at home, at ease. Unlike his time in L’Manburg, there wasn’t anything looming over his head anymore. No history to protect and defend. Just a nice retirement arc for him, finally. He set his bowl aside and stared out the window. He could feel it, the sense of peace and openness the arctic brought. He tapped his fingers against the wood floor, faintly reminding him of his balcony in his old home.

Tears. Skin burning.

Rain and thunder rolling.

The crackle of fire and the boom of explosives.

He could hear screaming, Shouting. Crying.

Begging.

Howls.

He can’t take it. Everything was collapsing in on itself.

He couldn’t breathe. He felt stuck, sinking into the mud of the wastes, his skin burning.

Everyone’s fighting.

Everyone’s fighting everyone.

It’s happening again.

Again

Again

Always happens.

Ranboo gasped, nearly falling on his hands and knees as he bolted up from his impromptu nap. He was gasping, clutching at his heart as he felt his face burn, tears peeking over his eyelashes.

He could hear a scrambling sound, hands on him as he was lifted off of the floor. He looked up to see the worried faces of Techno and Phil. Their mouths moved as they talked to him, but Ranboo failed to understand.

Slowly, he came back to his senses.

“Ranboo! Speak to me, pal.” Techno asked him.

“I-I’m here. I’m here.” Ranboo swallowed the lump in his throat.

“Was that a nightmare?” Phil asked him. Ranboo held his head in his hands and sighed. He was seated on top of the chest, the world still spinning.

“I think so.” His heart was pounding still, as well as his face from the tears. “A nightmare. But with no sight.” He mumbled. “Just pain, and death, and tears.” He rambled.

“Ranboo. Ranboo, listen to my voice.” Techno guided him. Ranboo looked up at him. “It’s just a dream. Okay. A dream.” He repeated. “Repeat that to me.” He instructed. Ranboo nodded his head.

“It’s a dream. A dream.” Ranboo mumbled. “A dream.” He paused.

That’s the third dream he’s had since being here. A dream he could actually remember.

“No, they can’t be just dreams.” He contradicted himself.

“It’s just some bad dreams bud,” Phil attempted to relax him. Ranboo shook his head.

“No! I never have dreams! Dreams aren’t a thing for me!” Ranboo insisted. “I can’t remember anything! Dreams can’t happen to me! I can’t have anything nice! Even when I do they’re terrible and horrible!” He was panicking again.

“Ranboo listen,” Techno tried again.

“I can’t even have normal dreams. I just feel things. Bad things. L’Manburg. The room. I can’t.” He confessed. “It’s a tv episode with no video. A movie without the visuals.” Again he was breaking down. “I can’t dream. I can’t dream at all. I can’t remember.” He dug his claws into his scalp. “They have to mean something. Something but what?” He felt sick, his vision fading.

Something heavy was thrown on top of him. It covered his line of sight. Slowly, he saw Techno adjust the heavy cape over him. Ranboo froze as Techno successfully wrapped him up. He hadn’t realized he’d been shaking until he could feel his limbs moving against the cloth. The leaking darkness floated away as he could see Philza, staring worriedly at him.

Ranboo looked into Techno’s eyes, and he could see the pain behind them. A hidden sadness. A broken mind like his. Techno leaned in and pulled Ranboo into a tight hug.

“Dreams are just recycled memories. Doesn’t matter if it’s good or bad ones.” Techno told Ranboo. His ears flattened, “Ranboo, it’s okay. Dreams are just dreams.” Ranboo looked to see Phil approaching to join in.

“We’re here bud. Far away from that  _ place. _ ” Philza reassured. Ranboo sucked in a deep breath, burying his face into the cape and Techno’s shoulders, as to not burn his face more from the new tears.

* * *

Ranboo stared over the horizon as the sun rose for a new morning. He was reading over his book again. The sunrise and fresh ink became a new morning ritual for him.

_ ‘Had another dream. 20th in a row. I remember music. I could hear Tommy and Techno laughing. A dog patting at my legs with paws. It was short. But it was nice. Dreams are half good and half bad.’ _ He had written down.

“Ranboo?” Ranboo turned his head, seeing Techno approaching up the hill.

“Oh, hey Techno!” Ranboo greeted him. Techno sat down next to him, golden rays illuminating the both of them.

“How are you doing?” He asked. Ranboo shrugged his shoulders.

“Good I’d say. Not much different than yesterday.”

“Any more dreams?” He asked.

“Yeah. It’s weird. Some are good, some are bad.” He admitted.

“I mean, not all dreams are supposed to be cool. I’ve had my fair share of nightmares.” Techno told him.

“How often do you have dreams?” Ranboo asked.

“Some days I do. Some days I don’t. Just depends.” Ranboo sighed. He wished he had a break from them. Every night he’d been having his  _ ‘dreams’ _ , and everyday he’d been keeping track. “You’ve been okay?” Techno hadn’t left Ranboo alone since that blizzard.

“I don’t know. I’ve only started having dreams since Philza brought me here.” He sighed. “It’s like seeing colors for the first time, but they’re too bright. I can only feel what happened. I can’t even remember the images.” He explained.

“Maybe it’s because of L’Manburg.” Techno mentioned. “Did you have dreams while it still existed?” He asked. Ranboo thought about it, flipping through his book.

“No. No dreams. Gave up on having dreams.” He muttered.

“You okay with them now?” He asked. Again Ranboo wasn’t really sure.

“I mean, I guess. It’s hard to say. I can’t remember ever having dreams, and having dreams now that just repeat stuff I don’t remember or have written down, it’s hard to say if I like them or not.” 

“Hmm.” Techno hummed. “Was I in any of them?” He asked.

“I think so. I’ve had a couple that revolves around the end of L’Manburg. A few when I moved here. They aren’t in order. Just a jumbled mess. But you’re there sometimes.” Ranboo answered him.

They rested in the warm silence.

Ranboo placed a hand on the ground, melted snow and dead grass pressed back against his palm.

He smiled fondly, amazed by how golden snow could be.

* * *

“Had another dream. This one about Dream. It was a nightmare. I believe there’s a version of him living in my head, or just a piece of me in my head that just acts like him. Anyway I dreamt of Dream outing me while Tommy and Tubbo fought. I very much disliked this dream. Techno says he doesn’t care whether or not I was an accidental traitor. That made me happy.” Ranboo read outloud to the dogs around him. One panted before nudging the book out of his hands.

“Okay! Okay! No more bedtime stories then, just go lie down already!” He laughed, his voice echoing past the doorway, to an eavesdropping Techno and Philza.

“He’s alright Techno. Look at ‘em.” Philza pointed out.

“Just making sure we don’t have another ‘hearing-voices’ guy on our land. With mine and yours we have a big enough audience already to cause chaos.” Techno reminded his friend.

“You just won’t admit you worry for the little guy.” Phil chuckled. Techno huffed a laugh.

“Little? He’s as tall as me!”

Despite their attempt to be sneaky, Ranboo could hear them loud and clear. Without interruption from the dogs, he quickly jotted down one last note.

“Techno and Philza, despite helping Dream, are pretty rad.”


End file.
